We all want our relationships to last. Be that forever or a long period of time, we want the efforts we put into our love lives to bear fruit and just like anything that grows we need to maintain and care for it. It is all too easy to ignore those nagging thoughts in the back of your mind about your relationship and whilst it is important not to become overly paranoid and pick up on every little detail, identifying real issues and taking steps to overcome them is a very important part of a healthy and long lasting relationship.
When you have identified real problems, things that you feel must be addressed, it is vital to discuss them in a calm and level headed fashion. So try to bring your concerns up gently and from a compassionate standpoint, rather than hastily mentioning something at an inappropriate time and catching your partner off guard.
In many cases it will be hard to find a “good time” to bring any of your concerns up. Often your partner will immediately become defensive and possibly feel threatened and it is human nature to lash out when one is feeling like this. So before mentioning your concerns, take some time to consider your choice of words. Use your knowledge of your partner to anticipate their reaction and try to think of a way to phrase your thoughts without appearing too confrontational.
Of course, it is entirely possible that your partner is equally aware of the issue and is relieved to have things brought into the open where they can be discussed and worked upon. Though if you do spark a defensive response, then be prepared to have the blame averted. Even if you have made no direct accusation, the chances are you will trigger this reaction and previous grudges might be brought up to minimise the subject at hand.
This can be painful, but it is important that you find a level where you can calmly discuss the issues that are causing barriers in your relationship. Remember that it is just as important to listen to their thoughts and feelings on the matter as it is to have your own heard. You may even be surprised to discover that things you had no idea of have been bothering your partner and these can now also be dealt with in an open and accepting environment.
Unfortunately, love needs work. And it is the small seemingly trivial things that are easy to ignore that can lead to the downfall of our most cherished relationships. If caught early though, we can stop those mole hills turning into mountains!
Talk to The London Love School if you have any issues that you are struggling with. We are always happy to help and are here to listen and support.