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Hitting the Reset Switch. Dating after the end of a long term relationship.

Emese Taylor, 23 June 2017

Coming out of a long term relationship can be one of life’s great challenges. Regardless of the circumstances leading to the break up, it can often seem to be a daunting prospect to dust one’s self down and confront the challenge of finding love again.

Do not fear though! With some time and patience it is possible to revitalise yourself and once again head off down the road towards happiness. Here are a few tips we think will help you on your way.

Take time to rediscover yourself

If you have been in a long term relationship it is very possible that you have let your hobbies and interests fall to the wayside. These are the very things that make you an individual and will have probably contributed towards attracting a partner previously.

Maybe you could consider a new hobby or further development? Being single means you will have some more time on your hands and what better way to fill this than learning a new musical instrument, studying a new language or pursuing a new activity such as a sport or other social pursuit?

Not only is this a constructive way to spend your time, but it will also make you more interesting to a new partner. And who knows? Your new hobby could even lead to you meeting someone new.

Remember the joy of dating

It might sound obvious, but dating is intended to be a fun experience! It’s not uncommon for people rejoining the dating circuit to be a little jaded by this notion and to view the process as a chore rather than a pleasure.

It is sometimes difficult to let go of the routines of the past. You have been comfortable and content and just want that security back without having to jump through hoops to get there! This is an exceptionally bad way of looking at things and it’s time to pull yourself together and jump out of your comfort zone.

Remember, the people you will be dating want the same thing as you: happiness and security. Get back out there and find your perfect partner – and maybe have a little fun in the process!

Broaden your horizons

Most people have what they consider to be their “type” and will often date very similar sets of people. There is nothing wrong with this, after all, it’s worked in the past so why wouldn’t it work again?

On the other side of the coin, now is the perfect time to experiment. With no strings to hold you down, you are free to explore and meet new kinds of people. This can lead to different experiences and ideas that will challenge you and help you to grow as a person as well as offering new perspectives on life.

Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Open your mind to new people rather than pinning all your hopes on a previous ideal and you might be surprised at what, or rather who, you discover.

Leave the past behind you

An end to a relationship can be emotionally draining and we often find it difficult to move on. It’s appropriate to allow yourself sometime to reflect on what has occurred before moving on, but it is important to do just that. Draw a line and leave the past behind.

One of the most off putting things to discuss on a date is your ex-partner, so try to keep anecdotes and stories about them to yourself. Otherwise it will seem as though you are stuck in the past and can’t be relied on to offer yourself fully to a new relationship.

Importantly, try not to compare any potential partners to your ex. This is a very common problem and will not only lead to an unfair playing field for them, but will also just reinforce your own feelings of loss. Acknowledging the past and moving on is one of the most difficult things you can do, but essential to allow you a positive future.

Upwards and onwards

It’s never going to be easy and there are no straight forward answers but with some time, dedication and positive thought you can mend that broken heart and once again find yourself on the path to happiness and fulfillment.

If you need a helping hand, then why not talk to us at the London Love School to see what we can do to ease you back into the life you want.

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