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Lost that loving feeling?

Emese Taylor, 07 August 2017

A lack of sexual desire is a very common concern for both men and women and the reasons behind the issue are as diverse as they can upsetting.

Sex and our sexual prowess is seen as an important part of our identities and if something goes awry with this it can be hugely damaging, not only to our relationships but also to our self confidence.

So why do we experience this and what can be done about it?

There are a few societal and biological facts to take into consideration. Man and women mature sexually at different stages in their lives so there will be a natural imbalance incurred by this. The sexes also tend to find different aspects of their sexual relationships enticing, with men tending to be more aroused at the start of a new relationship and women growing to feel more comfortable and more erotically inclined towards their partner as their intimacy solidifies.

There are many other factors to take into consideration also, with stress, tiredness, relationship issues or underlying medical factors all playing into the reasons why we can lose interest in sex.

Age is also going to play a part in the loss of libido and for a diverse set of reasons. Our life style choices, including smoking, drinking, diet, lack of exercise and drug use will all have knock on effects onto how well our body performs that will become more apparent over time.

Medication for health issues will also have an effect with treatments for depression and anxiety known to reduce the sex drive. Diabetes is also commonly associated with a decreased desire and women approaching the menopause will experience a reduction of oestrogen in their blood which can lead to a loss of libido.

Regular checkups with your GP will help keep this concerns in check and there are a number of lifestyle changes you can make to help turn things around.

It will sound obvious, but keeping the body healthy is one of the most important things you can do. Regular exercise and a healthy diet will allow your body to function in a far greater capacity and reducing your alcohol intake (completely if possible!) will produce immediate results in a short space of time.

Try to cut down on your masturbation habits and again, stop masturbating entirely if possible and if you are still smoking, then for this, and many other health reasons, please consider quitting.

Also, look for underlying factors in your relationship that could be to blame. Unresolved tensions, arguments, resentments or conflicts that have gone un-addressed will all contribute to the problem, driving a seemingly irreconcilable wedge between you and your partner.

As with anything, it is impossible to overemphasize the need for communication. If you are suffering from a loss of libido then your partner will most likely consider it their fault, will feel rejected and may start to close themselves off from you. In the worst case scenario this could lead to them looking for other outlets, not just for their own sexual desires but also for the companionship and affection they crave.

It goes without saying that this can lead to a disastrous outcome for a marriage or relationship and as such the issue should be brought out into the open and discussed, worked through and ultimately solved.

This is something we are treating more and more at the London Love School and if it is an issue that you are concerned with then we would be glad to assist in finding ways to overcome this dilemma.

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